Settling onto the couch, I felt myself breath a sigh of relief. Every two weeks, I get roughly an hour of this safe space. A net to fall into, a shoulder to cry on, and a sanctuary to study my every mental health movement.
This week, I went in with newly found motivation and happiness that I didn’t think I would have this early on from a breakup. From our talk, my therapist discussed two different, equally crucial, topics: finding your anger and recognizing your worth, purpose.
Finding My Anger
We came upon this subject when I told my therapist a story about a bad day I had last week. More like the worst day. I had some issues at work where I felt disrespected, and that triggered me. Once the work day was over, I did the exact thing I need to learn to break. Instead of listening to myself, I sought validation and advice from others.
This can be a toxic activity, especially for anxiety. Already pissed off, my anxiety would be more triggered by whatever the person said. Normally, people have differing opinions and life views, so they don’t ever really say what you want them to. I knew the answer, yet I didn’t consult myself.
I got into fight after fight with my mom, then dad and it resulted in a full fledged anxiety attack – which I caused. To this event, my therapist gave me a new solution: write it down. Before I pick up the phone and call anyone, write the reality down. After that, I may not need anyone’s advice because I have my own.
Although it may not seem like a quick fix because I’m not used to knowing what to say to myself, this is how I practice.
Along with this, I learned that my anger is triggered by feeling disrespected. I found that it was more intense because of feelings associated with my breakup. I felt disrespected. With some distance from the emotion of the actual breakup, I realized that I saw more of the reality of the relationship and guess what? I’m kinda pissed. And that’s okay.
Growing up, and even before I started therapy, I never had much of a voice. I let others speak for me and didn’t stand my ground. Little by little, I’ve become more connected with my voice and with that comes anger. It’s a learning experience, but I’m on my way to expressing anger in a healthy way.
Recognizing My Worth, Purpose
The second part of my session was me explaining to my therapist how overwhelming it has been to have such amazing people reach out to me – whether through this blog or my Instagram account – and tell me that my words have had a serious positive, emotional affect on them. I heal myself, while healing others.
It was then that I started to cry and my therapist said the most touching thing:
“Breathe it in.”
Almost like a yoga chant it was so calming, she taught me right then and there that while this is emotional, it’s all part of my path. She continued to say:
“We’re all here for reasons. Sometimes the darkest pain is felt so we can be encouragers.”
We feel so deeply in order to encourage others to confront that same emotion. I’ve come so far, and I’m beginning to realize that I’m finding my new purpose and passion in this blog. I love doing it and I appreciate everyone that reads, supports, or reaches out.
My therapist ended with a new mantra that I will be repeating to myself:
I deserve to be loved and respected.
Whenever you’re feeling unworthy, or that you aren’t good enough, say that to yourself. You are worthy – always.
Has therapy helped you? Share your story in the comments below!